thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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