Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
