So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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