party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
