ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
