Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
