Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
