You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
