I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
