just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
