Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
