Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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