Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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