It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it was like eating out sand paper
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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