I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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