there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
