i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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