areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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