You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
