these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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