im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
