Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
