I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
