Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
