Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Still dying that you shit outside
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
