sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
