just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
