when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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