who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We're facebook friends in real life
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
