Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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