I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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