Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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