I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
