The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
