So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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