I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
