That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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