Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
