ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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