Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
