I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
