i think my mom watched the whole time
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
