batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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