The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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