So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
