you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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