I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
