1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
