By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
