Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
