I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
