He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
